Ben Franklin You can never have too many French women...
Abraham Lincoln You know, a house divided against itself still makes for a pretty good raft...
Visitors of the University of Illinois last week were surprised to see their teenage daughters drop their orange bags, abandon everyone, and run towards what seemed to be friendly squirrels. What was supposed to be cute and cuddly critters turned out to be a mechanical creation, fueled by a few civil engineering students. “It was [...]
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The Morrow Plots are notorious for two things: they are one of the College of Agriculture, Consumer and Environmental Sciences’ (ACES) most precious assets and they’re off-limits to anyone who isn’t currently aspiring to hold a degree in the fast pace field of agriculture. Rumor has it that students have been severely punished for as [...]
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In the university environment, having a core group of friends is imperative to good will and having a fun time. When you apply your real friends to Facebook, a good 20 to 30 fill your friends list. Then comes everyone else: these are the people that make up your numbers and if you want to [...]
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Oprah Winfrey, riding the success of her own TV channel, will open up a new celestial planet with perfect living conditions for Oprah fans in the spring of 2014. Oprah Winfrey’s new OWN channel averaged 1 million viewers on its first night of programming, a 396% increase on Discovery Health, the network it replaced. Discovery [...]
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Put down your crusty gym socks, porn aficionados, because there’s a new juggernaut in the adult entertainment arena: the Transportation Security Administration. According to a recent Gallup poll and web traffic data, the TSA website has overtaken veteran porno site titty-reservation.com as the third most popular adult website among 15- to 24-year-old males. The TSA began testing [...]
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I wonder if Charles Darwin is scowling at us. Like a ten-year-old kid looking down from a three-story building at the busiest sidewalk he’s ever seen, but all out of spit balls. I have to hand it to you, Charlie, you had a good run there, but your day in the limelight is pretty much [...]
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Imagine: It’s dark, so dark. You stumble along a dark cobbled alleyway. It’s raining, no, pouring. Your glasses are fogged up like barroom windows. If you wear mascara, it’s running down your face, giving you the very distinct appearance of a surprised zebra. You pull up your collar, trying to get that cool Clive Owen look, but the rain just scoots down you back. Now your underwear’s soaked, genius. You’re definitely not on your home block. Nope, not even Kansas; it’s probably something vaguely European, but with an insidious dash of unaccountably evil foreign accent. Scotland. Bingo. You round a corner, skidding around bottomless rain puddles and panhandling hobos, and come face to face with…Evil.