LeBron James, one of basketball’s most hated player and the one who brought us the “Decision”, has decided to take his talents to another professional sport…the sport of marital engagement. At Dwayne Wade’s New Year’s Eve party in Miami that also served as James’ belated birthday celebration, surrounded by his teammates from the Miami Heat, he proposed to his high school sweetheart and mother of his two children, Savannah Brinson. And, as a birthday present to him, she accepted.

Obviously LeBron is a talented athlete, even his most ardent haters must admit that. He certainly got off to an impressive start for this engagement season. His performance at the party on opening day was a fantastic showcase of his game; he displayed a refreshing level of confidence in himself. The conclusion of the game brought everyone to the edge of their seat. It ended with Wade throwing a crucial pass to the King, who caught the expensive piece of engagement jewelry and presented it to his girlfriend with authority. The crowd went wild. There have been no flaws in his moves after the initial contest either. People are in awe at his natural ability, some have already dubbed him as the “next Larry King,” claiming he has the potential to match or even surpass King’s eight wedding rings.

 Now I won’t deny that LeBron has showcased some incredible prowess for his new sporting endeavor. Many analysts have talked up his illustrious career in amateur committed relationships, and they seem to expect his dominance to continue now that he has made it to the professional league.

 That being said, we can predict a lot about how LeBron will do in professional relationships by drawing a parallel to his career in basketball. Much like the majority of his NBA regular seasons, I predict that James will dominate during the engagement season and demonstrate a remarkable ability to score often and with ease.  Sure, LeBron is winning every challenge he is thrown at the moment, handling opponents such as constant wedding questions from paparazzi and undesired congratulations from people he doesn’t know, but it is rather difficult to see him holding his own against difficult defenses such as family members who aren’t fond of him, bridezilla behavior, and the discussion of prenuptial agreements. As we are so familiar with him doing in basketball, I foresee that LeBron will choke under pressure in the big game (wedding), disappear at the altar, and as he is prone to do, end his season without a ring.

–Marius Berner

Photos by Keith Allison

“Leaving Green Bay was the worst decision that I ever made.  Sure, going to the Jets gave me some publicity; Frank Caliendo loved me when I went to New York.  Sure, retiring and un-retiring over and over again helped me achieve my lifelong goal of being featured on ESPN for 24 straight hours. ” said Favre, who recently filed retirement papers.  But when asked about his plans to retire this year, Favre said “oh guys, you know by now that I was just joking.  I just wanted a little extra time to film those ‘Wrangler Jeans’ commercials.”

Regarding Favre’s wishes, Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier said that the club would have done anything necessary to accommodate Brett.  “This guy is a future Hall of Famer, and one of the best to ever play the game.  He helped us get to the NFC Championship game last year, and helped me get my job by fighting with former head coach Brad Childress.  All things said, Brett has made many great contributions to this organization.”  When asked about Favre’s trade value, he admitted that the Vikings will be willing to sell low on Favre.  “To make sure that he returns to Green Bay, we’re willing to accept just about anything.  We’ll even take Favre’s old backup Aaron Rodgers or a measly first round draft pick.  Just get him out of here so we can draft a quarterback and win a Super Bowl with him.”

Packers Head Coach Mike McCarthy admitted in an interview that the Packers are indeed attempting to trade for Brett Favre.  “Brett’s QB rating of 69.9 may have been lower than Aaron’s 101.2 rating this year, but there’s no denying that this guy has played in multiple Super Bowls.  He could be the leader of our franchise for years to come, because we all know that he’ll retire after Aaron does.  He’ll make Packers fans forget the name Aaron Rodgers.”

Although the Packers and the Vikings may not be able to reach an agreement, Favre wants out of Minnesota regardless.  Other potential landing spots include the Los Angeles Lakers, the San Francisco Giants, and UConn’s women’s basketball team.  “I just want to play for a winner,” said Favre.

When approached the next day about the potential trade, Favre admitted that he was “just kidding” and will file for retirement again tomorrow, but also hinted that playing for the Pittsburgh Steelers was his “childhood dream.”

-Brian Adams

Flickr Photo by Ed Yourdon