Muslims Hire Katie Couric as PR Representative
Immediately after the announcement, Couric, the famed news anchor, released a tweet suggesting CBS back a Muslim form the “Cosby Show,” and that such a measure would surely reduce Islamophobia in the U.S. In a Youtube video released today from Couric’s Upper West Side home, she related that she was contacted by Muslim representatives and asked to replace their current Public Relation agent, WWF legend ‘The Iron Sheik.’
The poor handling of the public image of Muslims came to a head during the debate in the press about the proposed Islamic community center in downtown Manhattan, in the proximity of Ground Zero. According to polls, many Americans came to believe that it was not a community or religious center, but would exist only to dishonor America and to spit in the face of liberty, laughter and love.
Although the official mission of the center was one of diversity and acceptance, the American press reported that in fact the center would include storage rooms of raped Christian babies, a basement meth lab, and an athletic facility devoted to the shitting on and burning of American flags.
Also, Couric has the unenviable the task of encouraging the media to restrict its remarks regarding Muslims to those with reason, intelligence, and logic.
The new plan, according to Couric, is to show Americans the fun and loving side of Muslims. She plans to release billboard advertisements of them drinking Coca-Cola on a summer day, or shopping at Aldi trying to find the best deals. Slogans include “Muslims: we’re just like you”, “Muslims: America was founded with religious liberty”, and “Muslims: there’s more of us in the world than there are of you.”
“It will be a challenge, but I think anyone with the slightest bit of intelligence will see that Muslims teach peace, love, and to help those in need,” said Feisal Adbul Rauf, who will serving as an attache to Couric, in a press conference earlier today outside the proposed site of Islamic community center, “and our new Public Relations plan, led by Katie Couric, will involve calmly repeating that we’re a peaceful religion and addressing rumors that are flying around. I mean, it’s disgusting that they generalize an entire religion as terrorists.”
However, at the word “terrorist,” the press conference was immediately evacuated by heavily armed SWAT agents and Rauf was beaten with truncheons until “the threat was neutralized,” according to an officer on the scene. Glenn Beck, in response to the incident, sent out his own press release from his bomb shelter in the base of the Grand Canyon, saying:
“It’s things like these that tell me America is failing, and our streets will run red with blood, and we will all die a terrible death. Its Muslims that fear-monger and want to scare you by saying crazy things in the media! Have I mentioned we’re all probably going to be brutally stabbed in the heart by not just one, but all the minorities? Anyway, They’re hiring a new Public Relations person. You know who else had a Public Relation person…Hitler. I’m just saying, you know, you just have to think sometimes.”
- Esteban Gast
Flickr photo by Image Editor
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